Emotional Child Abuse: Facts and Information

Emotional child abuse is a pattern of behavior that attacks a child's emotional development and sense of well-being. This includes excessive, aggressive or unreasonable demands that place expectations on a child beyond his or her capacity.

Three-year-olds, for example, can not be expected to sit quietly for an extended length of time. They just do not have the physical control of their bodies yet. And still, you will find parent after parent placing this unrealistic demand on a young child, only to end up frustrated at the lack of compliance.

Even an overly cooperative child is at risk for being dominated and controlled through a system of praise and rewards. Expectations that do not consider a child's need and feelings do more harm than good. The end result: a damaged child.

Verbal attacks can manifest in a variety of ways including comparing, criticizing, teasing, name-calling, insulting, rejecting and the evaluating of children's behavior.

Any time a child is the recipient of verbal abuse, it chips away at his emotional foundation. Sometimes it’s just a scratch and other times it’s a whole chunk of self-worth that falls off.

It is the intention, severity and follow-up reactions of a parent that determine whether or not the child feels emotionally supported or whether the reactions have caused the child’s self-esteem and value be whittled away.

How many times is too many?

Remember, not all child abuse is physical.

It is important to remember that not all child abuse is physical. Emotional child abuse is a silent epidemic, easily overlooked and the effects can be hidden in all sorts of behavioral labels but it is possibly one of the most damaging forms of abuse. Repeated disrespect or unreasonable criticism towards your child can have serious emotional consequences and long-term repercussions. Parent stress is the single largest contributing factor to dismissive parenting.

Emotional abuse can impair your child's self-image, self-esteem and interfere with his ability to function adequately in society, succeed academically and form healthy, intimate relationships.

According Prevent Child Abuse America (formerly known as the National Committee for the Prevention of Child Abuse, 1987), emotional abuse also includes "failure to provide the emotional nurturing necessary for a child's psychological growth and development." Failing to provide love, support or guidance is destructive to the healthy development of the brain and the bonding and attachment needed to form strong parent-child relationships.

Sadly, most parents so not want to intentionally hurt their children. Often, they unconsciously inflict emotional abuse without even realizing it with belittling comments and harsh handling.

You're acting like a baby

What are you stupid?

Are you deaf? I just told you not to do that!

You constantly disappoint me.

These are some of the most destructive phrases you can speak to a child. It is not the need to set limits with children that causes problems; it is the repeated disregard for a child's feelings and needs in favor of demanding obedience and compliance with parental requests which can stunt emotional intelligence and development.

When you allow your own parenting stress to influence how you react to or treat your children, you risk teaching them the same negative behaviors that you had planned to avoid. You can't teach your child to manage their strong emotions, which sometimes overtake their whole body, if you cannot successfully manage your own emotions and stress.

You cannot teach your child that their feelings and needs matter if you do not practice self-empathy for your own frustrations as a parent!

Six Types of Emotional Abuse

Effects of Emotional Abuse

Emotional Abuse Signs and Abuser Characteristics

"There's this myth that kids are resilient."

"When they have good social support, they are. But when they're subject to constant denigration, it's different. When you tell them, `You're ugly,' or `You'll never amount to anything,' that's the mirror they see themselves in… If we don't raise children to be competent human beings, if we do not give them the tools to value themselves and other people, then we're in bad shape. Sometimes they just hurt themselves. But sometimes the way they cope is by finding someone else to kick."

- Psychology professor, Laura Brown of the University of Washington

"If a child develops a map of the world that depicts people and places as hostile and the child as an insignificant speck relegated to one small corner, we must expect troubled development of one sort or another: a life of suspicion, low self-esteem, self-denigration, and perhaps violence and rage. We can also expect a diminution of cognitive development and impediments to academic achievement and in-school behavior."

- Dr. James Garbarino, Psychological child maltreatment: A developmental view. Family Violence and Abusive Relationships, 1993.

Recognizing the impact of you own childhood history is an important first step for parents intending to reduce their destructive behavior and create change.

Parents must understand that the way they are acting and treating their child has a direct impact on their child's behavior. Often they are not conscious that their actions are damaging at all. If parents were more aware of the pain that a child endures at the expense of traditional child-rearing, most would probably embrace change and do everything in their power to stop it.

Health care professionals and concerned individuals can join together to increase awareness for the education of emotional child abuse in the community and among parents. Parents and guardians need to be encouraged to develop strong attachments with their children and learn to express warmth and positive regard for them.

Families need to be encouraged to form supportive relationships and find local support systems. Continual research in topics related to emotional child abuse and parent-child relationships is desperately needed and must be undertaken.

You can help - Make the Promise to TEACH through Love and practice non-violent communication in your relationships with others.

Download and circulate the emotional abuse awareness flyer and write your local representatives and encourage them to support programs and legislation that promote healthy family interaction and funding for parent education programs.