[DAY 2] Why do kids act like this? Let's reframe how we see behavior.
Welcome to DAY 2!
Did you get a chance to set your new goals?
You definitely want to do that before you continue. It's important to get specific about what changes you want to make.
Today, first, take time to ground and center yourself with your favorite self-soothing activity.
Don't have one? Try doing some gentle stretching and movement, with or without music, for five minutes before completing the DAY 2 Activity.
By far, one of the most challenging aspects of letting go of control and feeling more confident in your parenting is shifting your mindset.
We often have an "idea" of who we think our kids are and why they act the way they do.
We might use names like the "instigator" or "drama-queen" to describe them. We might also feel resentful and out of patience with their behavior.
If you were raised with punitive discipline or a traditional "do as I say" perspective, your immediate reaction to your child's negative behavior may be to try and STOP it.
"Behavior is communication." Everyone says it - but do you know how to use that information to help your kids?
Children's behavior - even positive behavior - represents what's going on for them internally. It also gives us critical information about their state of regulation, skills, and how connected they feel.
If we ignore the message behind the communication to "correct" behavior - we lose the teachable moment.
I want to teach you how to listen differently.
Before we can understand behavior, we have to change the way we think + speak about it.
STEP 2: Download the Day 2 Worksheet to practice reframing your child's behavior without using blame, shame, judgment, or guilt.
Use the Worksheet examples to help you rewrite some of your most common phrases into non-judgmental observations.
Right-click to download and save the DAY 2 Worksheet to your computer.
If you view your children as -
- doing things to make you mad
- intentionally causing trouble
trying to get their way
- it's going to be more challenging for you to take a compassionate view.
If you believe your child is trying to take advantage of you, rather than being at a developmental disadvantage, the language of conscious communication will remain out of reach.
It's not your fault - it's a faulty pattern.
Changing the way you think and speak about conflict will help you access the empathy that's already inside.
And the more you practice - the less reactive you'll be to age-typical behaviors.
After you do the exercises, visit this post thread on reframing behaviors to share your examples or read through the ideas people have shared.
Tomorrow, I'll share our first podcast. It's an episode I did with Patty Wipfler of Hand in Hand Parenting, and we talk in-depth about this topic and offer some new tools.
For now, practice "reframing behavior," and then come and share your reframes in our daily live chats.
I'll see you tomorrow for DAY 3!
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