The TEACH Tool

The TEACH tool is a step-by-step process of conflict resolution that respects and honors needs and feelings, releases oxytocin which soothes the brain, teaches problem-solving skills AND builds relationship which is the key component to achieving long-term influence in your child's world.

You CAN stay connected to your kids even when you have to be firm with a limit. Forget yelling, threatening, begging or bargaining and start building RELATIONSHIP!

When you follow this simple 5-step method you will see your child's level of cooperation rise and his ability to be flexible grow as you begin to regulate your own emotions, validate feelings, listen to needs and then problem-solve together.

It's important for parents to understand that while behavior may not always be acceptable, feelings should always be accepted and validated. It is the job of emotionally aware adults to model the appropriate expression of emotions and provide kids with alternatives instead of simply saying, "No," "Don't..." and "Stop!"

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Traditional parenting methods often focus on correcting behaviors and thus inadvertently ignore or dismiss a child's feelings. You don't have to ALLOW behavior to validate EMOTIONS.

Labeling emotions is crucial for a child working through a tough time. It helps him not only process his feelings in the moment but also gives him the words to describe what he is experiencing the next time it happens.

T - E - A - C - H is a 5-step process. Don't be in a rush to set limits if your child is overly emotional, insistent or aggressive. These are clues that your child is in a dysregulated state and not open or able to retain any meaningful learning, his brain simply won't let him "get there."

Rationalizing or imposing your will and control brings you no closer to soothing an upset child and usually results in more disconnection. A child experiencing strong emotions, fear or stress cannot listen, learn or remember rules and limits. The priority is to focus on deep listening and empathetic communication. This will bring about a physiological state that allows brain cells to connect and positive behaviors to return.

It is through relationship that you will change behavior. So, hang out and have a cup of T - E - A before moving onto solutions.