The First Key
PARENTING IS A RELATIONSHIP
This parenting course is designed to bring you into awareness, to help you make great shifts in your parenting and unlock the mystery of your child's behavior!
The best way to do this is to change the way you think about things...
♥ Parenting is a relationship that you
create with a child. ♥
Like friendship or marriage - parenting is a relationship that grows and changes over time. It requiresmutual respect and understanding and it does not use power over one another to force change.
Parenting is about YOU!
I want to put the focus back on you - you are the parent.
Like a friend, wife or partner - you are an individual in a relationship.
You are not judge and jury - there to control, coerce or evaluate your child.
You are a teacher, an emotion-coach,
the one who loves most, guides best
and engages in the moment.
Speak to your child as if you are speaking to someone you cherish and respect. You do, after all.
If we spoke to our friends or partners the way we sometimes speak to our children, we might not be friends for very long.
Parenting is a journey of learning how to be in a relationship with a child. It is about validating needs (yours and theirs), honoring connection and healing your past.
Is it everything you expected?
I think we've been misled as to what parenting is truly all about.
Raised in traditional, hierarchical family structures - many of us grew up unconsciously assuming that if we simply parent the way our parents did [or the complete opposite way] - then we could not possibly go wrong.
Unfortunately, new parents are often shocked by the reality of daily parenting.
There's this myth that to raise a child means - to have a baby, and through consistent training and firm limits we can mold the perfect child, or some such image - that maybe we are afraid we will never quite achieve.
Creating a family more closely resembles inviting a relative stranger in to live with us - indefinitely.
Sure, he may look like us physically - but more often than not, this new arrival couldn't be more different in terms ofpersonality, likes, dislikes, sensitivities, temperament, schedule preferences and energy level.
This leads us to automatically label a night-owl as a "bad sleeper" because it is inconvenient to our established routine - but we are the ones who invited this freeloader in to stay!
While we cannot predict the habits or unique needs of our children in advance - we CAN welcome the opportunity to practice compassion, empathy and cooperation in our inner lives and with our loved ones, so that when we are faced with challenges from the outer world, we have the resources and resilience to adapt.
♥ Conscious parenting is not a set of rules for parents to follow,
but a set of beliefs about what parents and children
need to be in a relationship together. ♥
DESPITE the myriad of conflicting advice urging you to "parent" by focusing your attention on your child's behavior, you must realize that to alter your experience - to shift out of fear, anger, frustration and blame - you must first change yourself and your ideas about what it means to parent.
Accepting that the process begins inside - is pivotal.
We are taught to believe that if we rear our children with a firm hand, rules and tough discipline, then we will raise them "right."
How often do you resort to SCREAMING, THREATENING or REPEATING your requests until you are RATTLED, HOARSE and emotionally DRAINED?
This does not endear you to your children but only increases stress(for you both) and disconnects you (both) from your place of well-being and actually threatens to damage your ability to influence your child!
Every interaction with your child makes an impression on your child's brain which creates a neural pathway, a positive or negative connection that will inform your child's reactions to similar events in the future.
Are you responding with love, openness and curiosity? Or are you judging, criticizing and stressed-out? You see, parenting is not solely about changing children's behavior, nor is it meant to be something that you "do" to them but a process of understanding, connection and respectful interactions which will set the foundation for healthy development.
♥ Parenting is meant to be a gratifying journey toward personal awareness, self-knowledge and the fulfillment of creating an intimate relationship with another human being. ♥
After all, you had children to experience family life and appreciate its gifts, right?
Cooperation, Respect, Unconditional Love & Empathy
These are the gifts I hope you come to value after completing this course. I want you to be able to accept AND share these gifts with your children. These four qualities will enable you to create meaningful bonds with your children which will allow the space for deep mutual respect to grow.
In order to heal, create new relationships with your children and a brighter vision of your family, you mustidentify your current beliefs about parenting, reflect on your childhood experiences and define your goals for yourself and for your relationship with your children.
Your hopes, dreams and fears, as they relate to your parenting,
direct your unconscious, automatic reactions.
Commit to becoming aware as you go about your daily interactions with your child and agree to shift your question from "How can I change my children's behavior?" to -
"How can I improve my relationship with my children by teaching them to meet their needs in better ways?"
Until next time...
What do you think? I love hearing from you, so leave me a comment below. Share your stories, post your challenges and if you benefited from this article, consider sharing it with a friend!
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