Redefining Discipline for Kids

We want our kids to be able to make smart decisions, develop critical thinking and empathy and yet we model for them the exact opposite.

We coerce, bribe, praise and reward
instead of emulating the behavior we wish to impart.

• Do you believe that Connor is going to put on his coat any faster, the louder you scream?


• Do you think taking away his game-boy will make him think twice about stalling the next time you are ready to leave the house?

Maybe, but probably not for long.

Mostly he'll remember that when he doesn't do what you say, you'll react by doing something mean to him. He's also less likely to apply any appropriate lessons to future situations, mainly because he hasn't learned anything except that you get what you want by exerting your control over or intimidating others.

• Need alternative ideas to punishment and creative approaches to discipline?

Studies show that praise and rewards will actually lower a child's intrinsic motivation.

Their internal drive to do something because they are naturally curious, open and excited about life actually diminshes with praise and rewards thrust into the mix and there is less likelihood that they will repeat the behaviors in the future without the promise of a reward or acknowledgment.

The larger question is why have we come to believe that our kids will only do what's right if we force them into it or slather them in positive reinforcement and unnecessary praise?

Children are more apt to cooperate if you have previously modeled compassionate, empathetic behavior for them - consistently and gently, supporting them with love and showing genuine concern for their opinions and feelings.